Keira Knightly must eat more fibre

Am I the only person who thinks that Daniel Craig’s pout not only makes him look like someone who tried to get off with a hoover, but also completely detracts from anything else which occurs in a film whenever he is in shot.

I know that pouting is supposed to be sexy, but (as illustrated above) there’s a fine line between sexy and doing an impression of a bird with a small beak. And he’s not the only offender. Accompanied in this bizarre facial paralysis is the woman off the Specsavers advert where her and her boyfriend have supposedly taken too many mushrooms and have a bit of a freak-out during their afternoon boat trip. I’ve never known mushrooms to cause labial expansion, but whatever she’s taken seems to have given her the most ridiculous pout ever. Thankfully she seems to have kept a small hole between her enormous protruding lips with which to whistle/ eat twiglets/ sip whisky through a straw:

Keira Knightly is also someone who springs to mind who thinks that pouting makes her more desirable, when in fact she just looks like skinny scrubber with constipation.

What Keira wouldn't give for a healthy jobby

Apparently, Keira Knightly herself agrees with me:

Knightley recalls, “The big thing was that I was absolutely banned from pouting [whilst filming Pride & Prejudice]. The director and crew would be on permanent pout watch. Any sign of my pout and they’d scream at me, ‘Pout! Pout! Keira, pout alert!’ I honestly don’t do it to be sexy. I do it when I’m concentrating and I sort of puff my lips out. I always think it makes me look kind of constipated.”

Yes, Keira, you’ve hit the nail on the head. So why not stop doing it? Or perhaps looking like you are forcing out a shit all the time will make the rest of the world think that you’re a serious and gritty actress, rather than a coat hanger in a wig.

Clearly Keira doesn’t really think she looks constipated. Of course she thinks it makes her look sexy, in the same way all pouters think it makes them look sexy. Sticking out your lips and making them look wet and flushed with blood is supposed to be reminiscent of a sexually aroused vagina – subconscious or not. Fair enough, but what I can’t work out is why does the guy playing the supposedly rugged and manly James Bond walk about with an expression like an engorged lady-part? I hope he remembers to brush his teeth thoroughly.